(The writer is a Reuters contributor. The opinions expressed are his own.) When it comes to love and money, the prospects for harmony don't always depend on what is disclosed. They also hinge on what is not. Just ask Leslie Tayne. The attorney from Long Island, who was engaged to be married a couple of years ago, found her fiance was evasive whenever she brought up money issues.
"I didn't know anything: How much money he was making, his debts, his expenses," says Tayne, who, ironically, specializes in financial law.
While physical infidelity may involve a surreptitious smooch with a co-worker or meeting strangers through a hook-up site like Ashley Madison, financial infidelity may involve deceit such as the hiding of bank accounts or credit-card bills.
"It's one of the biggest things that can impact relationships," says Tayne, who eventually called the whole thing off with her fiance.
Indeed, if you don't know anything about your partner's income, debt or expenses, that's a big, fluttering red flag. And judging from new data from CreditCards.com, there are a whole lot of red flags out there.
SECRET ACCOUNTS
The site's poll found that 13 million Americans, or one out of 20 of us, have hidden banking or credit-card accounts from their partner.
And 19 percent have splurged more than $500 on a big item without telling their significant other.
"If you're hiding some big financial secret and it gets discovered, it's only natural for the other person to ask, 'I wonder what else he's hiding?'" says Matt Schulz, senior industry analyst for CreditCards.com.
The age group that's most likely to keep financial accounts on the sly? Naughty millennials between 18-29.
Those over 65, perhaps not surprisingly, were the most transparent with each other. (As the saying goes: All secrets come out eventually.)
New research from Ally Bank also uncovers a surprising amount of financial hanky-panky. In its latest Love and Money survey, among respondents who reported serious, ongoing money arguments, 17 percent said that hiding debt was a key issue, while 7 percent cited the hiding of assets.
So, how can couples avoid this particular brand of infidelity and celebrate Valentine's Day with some financial transparency?
Here are five tips.
EXCHANGE NUMBERS
No, not phone numbers. You need to share your credit reports and net-worth statements, suggests Kathleen Grace, a financial planner in Boca Raton, Florida, and author of "Prince Not So Charming." Not just before marriage but before living together, as well.
If there are worrisome signs such as late payments, maxed-out cards or towering debts, that is where you will find them.
ACCOUNT ACCESS
You do not have to merge all your finances. Many couples are more comfortable with separate accounts. But you should at least trade logins and passwords so that financial information is available to partners if they want it, says Grace.
If your significant other becomes "withdrawn or defensive" at the idea, that is another warning sign.
GROUND RULES
Making a big purchase? Set a level at which you have to discuss or clear it with your beloved, say, $100 or $500. This will help foster mutual trust and act as a natural barrier to outlandish or unnecessary purchases you may regret later.
According to the CreditCards.com survey, 41 percent of Americans have spent more than $100 without tipping off their partner. If reckless spending happens on both sides, you are planting the seeds for suspicion, resentment and possible financial trouble down the road.
BUDGETING APPS
Think of apps like Mint, You Need a Budget, or EveryDollar as a kind of forced marital transparency. When you can see the account in one display, it makes it hard to hide a different set of off-the-book numbers.
If that process brings secrets to light, then so be it.
"Secrets can destroy a budget," says CreditCards.com's Schulz. "Plain and simple, there's no way to do an accurate, meaningful budget if you don't know exactly how much money is coming in and going out."
GET IT IN WRITING
Arrange a co-habitation or prenuptial agreement, Grace advises. The process of writing down your expectations will reveal any serious money disconnects, and the earlier this happens, the better.
That does not mean shaming or scratching off lower-income partners, by the way. After all, few spouses make exactly the same amount of money. It just means acknowledging each other's financial realities, and calibrating your expectations accordingly.
Having learned her lesson, for instance, Leslie Tayne in Long Island has taken a different tack in her current relationship.
"We were very upfront, and disclosed everything right away," she says. "It makes a huge difference."
Millennials spend big for Super Bowl fun
Amini will also be serving a lot of popular party foods, like wings along with some beer, to the 10 friends he plans to have over to watch the big game. Amini expects to spend about $200 on food and another $100 on alcohol.
"We don't eat Dominos," Amini jokes. "I like to really host. I tell people they don't have to bring anything."
The money tied to America's biggest sporting event is staggering. Americans will spend $17 billion on Super Bowl-related goods, according to the International Council of Shopping Centers.
A lot of that money is coming from millennials.
Older millennials (ages 25-34) plan to shell out the highest amount on the Super Bowl, at about $150, for food, drinks, decor and other game-day necessities, the National Retail Federation says. The average American plans to spend about $95.
The social aspect of the Super Bowl fuels consumer spending overall, but "millennials shop to make the game more memorable," says Tom McGee, chief executive officer of the International Council of Shopping Centers. Purchases include team shirts to wear as they watch.
Overall, 45 percent of millennials (18-35) will buy game-related merchandise, and 30 percent will buy electronics, like a new TV, the International Council of Shopping Centers said.
"This is where we see the difference between millennials and their baby boomer counterparts, who are not making as many discretionary purchases," McGee said.
DISPOSABLE INCOMES
Some of the reasons why millennials spend more than other age groups include the fact that they are waiting longer to start families and buy homes, which means they may have more disposable income. And their older counterparts could simply already have enough merchandise and electronics, McGee said.
The Super Bowl is the ultimate social event for many. A Reuters/Ipsos survey of 4,711 people, taken Jan. 15-29, that those 18-29 are nearly three times as likely to watch the game with friends or at a public place compared with those 60-plus (For more on the survey reut.rs/1SvPGNE).
Robin Smyton, a 27-year-old public relations executive, plans to spend around $100 to entertain about 10 pals in her Sommerville, Massachusetts, home. Smyton, however, admits that most of them have little interest in the game.
"It's all about hanging out, and eating food," Smyton said.
The trend is in line with millennials' preference for experiences: 38 percent note their primary reason to watch the Super Bowl is to be with friends and family, according to the International Council of Shopping Centers.
Indeed, 29-year-old Emily Fehr echoes that sentiment, saying the half dozen friends she plans to have over will watch the game, but that is not the priority.
"It's hard to get people together. So this is a good excuse to have a party," says Fehr, who is an information technology writer in Bristol, Virginia.
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